Is... not something I like to talk about a lot, since um, I still don't remember last couple years. And am not saying it now because anything needs to change— Am not. I'm saying it because I don't want you to find out from someone else.
[sets his hand down where he can ""accidentally"" hook his pinky over angie's tail]
[ let's not be rash, here. he might not have known then. that was less than a week ago, but in pasture time, that was nearly a week ago. Daffodil have won memory coins since then. ]
[ his past self was right. he'd be better at living here. he didn't have hangups about being the other man. he'd take it as an invitation to be the best damned new shiny anyone ever saw in their life. ]
[ ...is setting out like it's a competition and it's fine because he knows he can win anything he really TRIES at reaallllly not having hangups, though, when he thinks about it....? ]
[ if he'd just said "there's someone, but that doesn't change us," maybe he would be able to purr an Okay. or a So? and lean over toward him and then this would all be fine and over and really marriage doesn't matter that much, it's just some particular distant symbol that people do that he's innately removed from and would drive wedges into sometimes for fun or profit,]
[ "I don't mind playing against a loaded deck." How abput that one? That was your own line. Say it again, buddy! Really feel the meaning of those words! ]
[ he wants to curl his tail out of the way and just take a swoon back onto the bedspread so he can stare at some uninteresting speck of Above and nothing else, but-- there's a grip on his tail. there's an anchoring little pinkie holding it, and as long as that's there then it's one more moving part to consider. that's one more way action has to speak.
when he speaks aloud, it's with a sideling glance at Muffin's face. ]
Well. It is rather difficult for one to be held to vows they haven't even made, in their memory. If they're the sort of vows of which I'm familiar.
... But... [ more softly, ] You do remember him. [ And he WILL remember more.]
Only forgot last five years. Have... [been dating? loved?]
...known each other for lot longer than that.
[muffin sneaks a sideways look up through his bangs— gaze flicking away when he meets angel's devil's eyes— ...then drifting back to look at him again. that pinkie's not moving.]
[ Every thing there ever is to read on Angel Devil's face, is usually because he decided to put it there. He's not focusing on putting a whole lot there right now, besides "alert, responsive, extremely attentive to this conversation."
carefully, he asks, ]
Is there anything else you think I should know about... all of that?
[ Angel Devil's hand gently grips his back, seemingly by reflex.
he thinks about the sound of a pendant clattering on the floor, then being kicked away. he thinks about the ultimate replaceability of his life from the moment of its outset, and the profound efforts he's consistently put to failing to prove otherwise. he thinks about--
"We are 'having fun.'" "I don't really know how to do things that aren't just playing..." "Well, it's a love demon, not a dating demon. A convincing orchid still isn't a bee." (And being questioned even then: is that really true...?)
maybe he sort of had been doing something that wasn't just playing. or maybe he was just very suddenly envious of the idea of someone whose purposes could go further than 'primarily recreational'...?
he'd been doing plenty of things that felt like his usual 'just playing,' but then, a certain person tried really, really doggedly again and again to show him what... wanting him to be completely comfortable and at ease looked like, and...
Apparently, there was still an exciting new way left for it to sting when percieving his own nature as a comforting facsimile. ]
Mmm... I must confess, I would have liked it more if you had~. I think that chain of detail writes a slightly different story. Not.... completely different, just.
Slightly. Different.
But... one doesn't precisely plan out the steps of a whirlwind dalliance in a brand new world, either.
[ anyway. one day Blossom promises to let the people here go home and regardless of the precise shape of how that happens, he already doesn't have a future.
whirlwind dalliance is kind of the objective relationship he has to existence as a whole, isn't it? he just needs. a minute. to adjust. tie some runners to different mental trellises. It doesn't change anything for me, Muffin said. The statement strikes him as more than slightly funny. Of course it doesn't change anything for him; for him it's the exact amount of information he was operating on before. ]
[Muffin folds his other hand around Angel Devil's too, holding onto that one point of contact like it's a lifeline. they're still sitting exactly as close as before, but now he feels like he's reaching across a chasm. like if he lets go, angel devil will disappear.]
Wasn't trying to keep it secret from you. Didn't... didn't think it would make difference to anything.
Was yesterday— and tonight, thought what if was this you on lighthouse? About inviting you over... how it was before I said anything. [before I ruined it]
Thought should tell you, so nobody surprises you with it. Don't want to keep Amadeus secret from you, but don't want you to think I'd keep you a secret from him either.
...No... You're right. It would have been quite unpleasant to learn another way. It's... functionally, information that has little bearing on our current circumstances. It doesn't change... anything, materially... here.
[ Amadeus. A-ma-de-us. God's love. Alternatively: loved by god. Turns it over in his head. Yeah, that's probably a name he can spitefully curse in anger to the empty air one day. Has the right heft to it. That 'd' right in the middle is promising material. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 01:51 am (UTC)[sets his hand down where he can ""accidentally"" hook his pinky over angie's tail]
I'm... married at home?
1/?? let the wind guide me
Date: 2023-09-27 02:11 am (UTC)2/??
Date: 2023-09-27 02:11 am (UTC)3/??
Date: 2023-09-27 02:13 am (UTC)/?? Still goin
Date: 2023-09-27 02:20 am (UTC)fuckin dipshit amateur genome not asking the same question back]
5/??
Date: 2023-09-27 02:24 am (UTC)6/??
Date: 2023-09-27 02:28 am (UTC)7/??
Date: 2023-09-27 02:34 am (UTC)8/??
Date: 2023-09-27 02:40 am (UTC)9/??
Date: 2023-09-27 02:42 am (UTC)10/?
Date: 2023-09-27 02:44 am (UTC)[ he stops. Nope, reel it in, try again. ]
11/??
Date: 2023-09-27 02:50 am (UTC)12/12
Date: 2023-09-27 02:53 am (UTC)Is that all you've recalled?
1/2
Date: 2023-09-27 03:05 am (UTC)did muffin breath for those 12 comments HE'S NOT SURE]
Is— no? Is, um...!
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 03:06 am (UTC)Only know I would have asked him by now.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 03:17 am (UTC)when he speaks aloud, it's with a sideling glance at Muffin's face. ]
Well. It is rather difficult for one to be held to vows they haven't even made, in their memory. If they're the sort of vows of which I'm familiar.
...
But...
[ more softly, ]
You do remember him.
[ And he WILL remember more.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 03:30 am (UTC)...known each other for lot longer than that.
[muffin sneaks a sideways look up through his bangs— gaze flicking away when he meets angel's devil's eyes— ...then drifting back to look at him again. that pinkie's not moving.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 03:45 am (UTC)carefully, he asks, ]
Is there anything else you think I should know about... all of that?
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 04:05 am (UTC)No. I... should have told you sooner, but it doesn't change anything for me.
wheezes. Good morning
Date: 2023-09-27 11:46 am (UTC)he thinks about the sound of a pendant clattering on the floor, then being kicked away. he thinks about the ultimate replaceability of his life from the moment of its outset, and the profound efforts he's consistently put to failing to prove otherwise. he thinks about--
"We are 'having fun.'"
"I don't really know how to do things that aren't just playing..."
"Well, it's a love demon, not a dating demon. A convincing orchid still isn't a bee." (And being questioned even then: is that really true...?)
maybe he sort of had been doing something that wasn't just playing. or maybe he was just very suddenly envious of the idea of someone whose purposes could go further than 'primarily recreational'...?
he'd been doing plenty of things that felt like his usual 'just playing,' but then, a certain person tried really, really doggedly again and again to show him what... wanting him to be completely comfortable and at ease looked like, and...
Apparently, there was still an exciting new way left for it to sting when percieving his own nature as a comforting facsimile. ]
Mmm... I must confess, I would have liked it more if you had~. I think that chain of detail writes a slightly different story. Not.... completely different, just.
Slightly. Different.
But... one doesn't precisely plan out the steps of a whirlwind dalliance in a brand new world, either.
[ anyway. one day Blossom promises to let the people here go home and regardless of the precise shape of how that happens, he already doesn't have a future.
whirlwind dalliance is kind of the objective relationship he has to existence as a whole, isn't it?
he just needs. a minute. to adjust. tie some runners to different mental trellises. It doesn't change anything for me, Muffin said. The statement strikes him as more than slightly funny. Of course it doesn't change anything for him; for him it's the exact amount of information he was operating on before. ]
WHEEZE
Date: 2023-09-27 01:56 pm (UTC)Wasn't trying to keep it secret from you. Didn't... didn't think it would make difference to anything.
Was yesterday— and tonight, thought what if was this you on lighthouse? About inviting you over... how it was before I said anything. [before I ruined it]
Thought should tell you, so nobody surprises you with it. Don't want to keep Amadeus secret from you, but don't want you to think I'd keep you a secret from him either.
1/2
Date: 2023-09-27 03:18 pm (UTC)[ Amadeus. A-ma-de-us. God's love. Alternatively: loved by god. Turns it over in his head. Yeah, that's probably a name he can spitefully curse in anger to the empty air one day. Has the right heft to it. That 'd' right in the middle is promising material. ]
...
2/2
Date: 2023-09-27 03:19 pm (UTC)...do you want to know what I think he might have done, if he was sitting here right now?
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 03:23 pm (UTC)What… would he have done…?
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 04:15 pm (UTC)[ the chasm between them grows perilously more narrow. Angel Devil's voice is velvet soft. ]
So what if you're married? Who is it that's sitting in this room with you, right now? I think that's what matters to me more, at the moment.
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